Thursday, November 8, 2007

Irrational Behavior

As I finally am getting comfortable referring to myself as an economist rather than an econ major, I find it very puzzling that I do not seem to function as one. The core of economic theory is to study how people make choices, and one of the fundamental assumptions that the whole thing is built upon is that people are rational, meaning that we do not knowingly do things that would impose pain and suffering to ourselves.

However, as one of the supposedly most cold-blooded rational people called the economists, I have found myself pondering often in the past few weeks--"Why the heck did I sign myself up for this?" By this expression I mean the current agonizing classes and work I am loading upon myself. I knew the econ PhD program was going to be horrible, yet I still willingly submitted myself to such a long and painful process that could eliminate half of its participants after the first year. Such unreasonable behavior bothers me deep in my core.

Needless to say, I have made it clear that my life has been fairly demanding and intense. With only three classes this semester, it is a seemingly innocent yet deadly load. I have heard my brain cells cry in the middle of the night begging for a break, and I have fought again my eyelids to force them to keep open at 4 o'clock in the morning. I can't seem to justify all these crazy actions with a well-rounded explanation. I wonder whether I should be concerned of my mental health. However, I have heard from a friend that if something makes you "wonder", then it is "wonderful", so I presume that my life is then, wonderful!

I still remember the day in Econ 110 at BYU when professor Kearl told the class that during our college years, we needed to find that one subject we truly were passionate about. I have been convinced for a long time that economics is the love of my life, and since this is the case, I guess I do need to give econ all I have, even without understanding it. Such is wisdom I obtained from my married friends about loving their wives, though they could never understand what she was thinking, or if she was thinking.

Complaints and jokes laid aside, I really do enjoy my life. It is busy but meaningful. The sweet feeling when I comprehend something that has seemed difficult is quite desirable, and since I also have done my best to prioritize and balance my life, I am even spending time with friends instead of spending all my time with homework in the library like I did at BYU. For those of you who care about me but don't hear from me, I sincerely apologize and hope this post has updated my status in your lives.

Martin ^_^

Sunday, September 30, 2007

An Amazing Weekend!

This weekend was one of the most amazing weekends I have ever experienced, so I feel the urge to document it. Honestly, nothing significant happened, but everything worked in such harmony that I just feel being on top of the world right now.

It all began with the fantastic activity the LDSSA planned on Friday. I had tons of fun playing the games, even though our team lost, and afterwards I just talked to some great people till late. Then Saturday started with a ward temple trip, and you should know immediately it was a wonderful day. Although it now takes me almost two hours to get to the closest temple, I think the rarity of the opportunity builds up the anticipation before the event to such a high level, I just feel more spiritually prepared for and completely satisfied about the whole experience. I hadn't done baptisms in the temple for ever and I almost forgot how spectacularly spiritual it could be. Since I have received my endowment, I was one of the officiators this time, and the spirit testified to me in such a strong manner that we were performing ordinances for some people who had been waiting for so long to obtain the blessings of the gospel on the other side of the veil. I felt joy beyond description. After the temple, some friends and I went to lunch at TGI Fridays. Although I was the only one who needed but didn't have a female companion there and the steak I ordered was quite terrible, we still had a blast talking and spending time together.

Saturday night our ward had a baptism. A girl named Leidy decided to join the Church and we baptized her at he stake center. It was an awesome service and it reminded me of my own baptism. I couldn't believe it was over five years ago! It made me reflect back to the path I have taken, and even though there were a few bumps and regrets along the way, I am so grateful that I am still here today at the right place I am supposed to be. I hope I will never wander off the straight and narrow, because I know I won't find happiness anywhere else.

Then came the fast Sunday. Throughout the week, I had been reminded of a miraculous personal experience I had earlier this year. I was debating about whether to get up and share it and bear my testimony at the beginning of the meeting, but as soon as the first girl started bearing her testimony, the spirit was so powerful that I knew I had to get up. I don't know whether there was anybody else touched by my testimony, but the experience alone strengthened my own faith in my Heavenly Father and my Savior!

After church, I went home teaching. Again, I felt the spirit so strong as we went to different families sharing the love of our Savior, it was so clear to me that we were doing the right thing and our God loved each and every one of us so dearly and on such a personal level. It was overwhelming to know that such a high being truly cares about me!

When I finally got home and cooked myself some food, my neighbor from across the street called me and kindly invited me to his house for dinner. I take some company over eating alone any day, so I headed over with the food I prepared and we had a splendid time together.

Finally, to put the cherry on top of this amazing weekend, we had a stake priesthood meeting tonight. I have to admit that it seemed a little odd we would have a priesthood meeting the week before general conference, but it turned out to be one of the best meetings I have ever been in. Each talk given was so genuine and so well-prepared, I believe every one in the chapel gained a burning testimony of the truthfulness of the Church! And right when I was standing up for the intermission hymn, the first counselor in the stake presidency suddenly announced that I would be bearing my testimony immediately following the song. It was so unexpected it almost shocked me. I silently prayed for help while we were singing and the idea of what I should say became clear. So I went up there and bore my testimony, for the second time in a day, and I think it touched some people there. I don't usually like surprises, but I am very grateful for that opportunity I was given to share my faith and my believes with the brethren in my stake.

As a result of these wonderful and marvelous experiences I had in the past few days, I am still on this spiritual high and I hope it will last through the week for me, because it is just such a beautiful feeling! I am praying that I will have more days like these and hopefully every one I know will do too. Anyway, I think I've said enough, so, good night every one. :)

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Life in Pullman

Since it has been over a month, I decided it's time to update my blog. Life in Pullman is simple but going well. Pullman is a small town, but we do have quite a few bars and clubs! Too bad I do not visit places like that. Besides the bars, we have one McDonald's, one Jack In The Box, one Pizza Hut, one Papa John's, one Denny's and four gas stations. As you can imagine, any kind of real shopping or dining is not going to happen here, not to mention the 8%+ sales tax. As a result, Moscow, Idaho, which is conveniently located only 20 minutes away, becomes the optimal choice. We have a tiny mall in the wonderful land of Moscow, a small Wal-Mart that closes at 10 every night, a WinCo, the grocery chain that some consider as the Eighth Wonder of the World, and most importantly, an Applebees! Even though I can't really afford to eat out all that often, the thought that there is one restaurant I really love available is very comforting.

I love my apartment. It is an old place but it's my old place. I can finally keep my own home clean ALL THE TIME and I can decorate it the way I want to. I now have two plants and three fish, Freddy, Stan, and Lucy. They are a bit crazy, but I like their company. I admit it gets a little too quiet sometimes, but I think it is still better than too noisy. I have a queen size bed that I love. It is not the most comfortable bed, but since I only spent $250 on the mattress and it was brand new, I really have no complaints.

School is going well. The classes are not hard but they demand a lot of time. I am guilty of not working as hard as I should, but I am not falling behind either. I think I am slowly dedicating more into it. Work is even easier than school. I put in about 7 hours each week and get paid for 20, so it's a deal of a lifetime. Next year, after the horrifying core exams, I can actually teach my own course in economics if I choose so, and I am really entertaining the idea of doing it. That would be fun!

Church is the thing I am most excited about. I was worried about being a Mormon in a liberal environment such as WSU before I arrived, but now I am just loving it. Now I know for myself that I am who I am because of my own choice instead of what every one around me is doing. The wards here are very small compared to the BYU ones, but because of that, we are all very close to each other. I have more friends and more fun at Church here than most wards I lived in at BYU. Another amazing thing is how many missionary opportunities there are out here. I have had several occasions that I talked about the Church with some one, and it's also so wonderful to see the new members joining the ward and enjoying the same kind of happiness I have been blessed with. I just hope among the girls here, I can find a brave one to appreciate me and see truly who I am. :-) Pray for me, my dear friends! :P

So in general, life cannot be better (well, I guess a female companion would be more preferable), and I know I am in the right place. I still don't know exactly why God led me here, but I can sense it that I made the correct decision to come to WSU. Plus, our mascot is still a cougar. How cool is that?!

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Miracles Do Happen!

Today was a huge testimony builder for me. When I first applied to Washington State University for my PhD program in economics, I did not receive a funding offer. At first I prayed about it and pleaded with my Heavenly Father that I would have some financial assistance because neither my family nor I have the ability to pay my out-of-state graduate tuition. The feeling I received back then was to be still and it would be fine, but I waited till the final word came from the department and it was still a "sorry". Therefore, I started looking for alternatives, and one of my best friends (who might be the only audience I have for this blog :D) stepped up and took the risk of cosigning a loan for me. I was extremely grateful that he did that and I thanked my Father in Heaven for finding a way to continue my education.

I have been in Washington for two days and this morning I was supposed to go to the department for my office assignment. When I arrived, the staff member who was helping me told me that the school director needed to see me. I was quite nervous for I did not know what the nature of this visit would be, but it turned out that the department had a last minute cancellation and I was offered with a full teaching assistantship! This is only five days before class starts and I have my funding I had been praying for! If this is not a miracle, I don't know what is! I am full of such gratitude for my Heavenly Father, and my testimony of waiting patiently with faith for His timing has been strengthened yet again!

I am so grateful and excited and I can't wait to share this news with my family and friends. Thank you all for you love and support!

Remember, miracles do happen!

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

The Price of the Soul

I just had a little drama in my life in the past couple of days. On Monday, after running a bunch of errants, I came home and went to see a movie with a friend of mine. After that I stayed home and did not have to use my wallet till Tuesday night, when I found it was missing. Since it contained all the important things I needed, like my work permit, driver's license, credit cards, temple recommend, and so on, I was very worried.

I quickly checked my room and my car and went straight to the theater I was in. The manager was very helpful and checked the lost and found cabinet for me but did not find anything. Then he let me go back into the theater I was in to look for it myself. There was a movie going on and it was too dark, so I did not find anything. I came home and checked everything more carefully but still did not find it, so I waited till that movie was over and went to the theater again and looked in there one more time. At this point I was certain that the chance for me to get it back was quite limited. One major thing working against me was that though I never carry cash, because I don't have any, I had $175 in cash in the wallet, which was money I got from selling my books back at BYU. Since there were no suspicious charges on my cards, I was sure the cash was the reason some one would not return my wallet.

This morning I went to the BYU Lost of Found office, hoping whoever found my wallet would return it there since it had my BYU id inside, but it was a no as well. Then I checked with the international services about my working status. They told me that I had to have a work permit to work, and since I lost mine, I couldn't work, but, if I was willing to wait for another three months and pay another $180 of application fee, I would receive a replacement. Well, school starts in a month and half for me, so there was no point of getting the replacement, and that meant I would have to sit at home and pick my nose all day for the remainder of my summer, not to mention having no income. As you can imagine, I was quite disappointed at that point. After that I went to the banks and canceled all my cards, and then I decided to give the theater just one more chance. After looking in it with a flashlight this time, I still came out with nothing, and I asked the manager again whether he could check the lost and found. He decided to look in the janitor's pile from last night, which was Tuesday, and there it was, my long-lost wallet! I took it and looked, and sure enough the cash was gone. Apparently what happened was somebody found my wallet on Monday, took it, thought about what to do with it since they wanted the cash, and decided to return in and brought it back on Tuesday. This shows that this person has a quite decent heart because he/she did not throw my wallet away after taking the cash, but it still made me wonder--what is the price of our soul?

I understand not everybody believes in the same moral standards as I do, but I am pretty sure most people know what is right and what is wrong. It was very nice of whoever that took my money to return the rest of it, but at the same time, that $175 was a big enough temptation to steal, which is a crime in any country. I asked myself what I would do in a situation like that and the answer was definitely to return everything, but what if it had more cash than that? Would I change my mind? I don't know and it scares me to think further.

Maybe there is a price for everybody's soul. I just hope mine is high enough that only Christ's sacrifice can pay for it.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

I'm Still Alive

Wow! I haven't been here for a while. I guess I got really busy with life. I found a place to live in Pullman, bought all my furniture (yes, nothing up there is furnished. Curses!), and saw a lot of good movies. So life is great, plus my best friend's wife just got pregnant. Crazy. I can't believe that kid is going to be a father, but I guess it's about time :-).

Anyway, I just wanted to pop in here and let y'all know I am still alive, and happy! Peace.

Saturday, May 26, 2007

GO JAZZ!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah! That's how we play in Utah! I am so stocked that Jazz finally woke up and played like they should. Spurs, you watch out. Before you know it, we will beat you hard!!!

Go Jazz!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Jazz Lost Again!!!

Man, I couldn't believe Jazz lost AGAIN! I don't know what's with their second quarters. Just like in game one, they lost the whole game in the second quarter. You figure they would have learned something from their first loss.

Though I hate to say it, the Spurs is a better team than us. Now my only hope is that the home crowd can buoy Jazz up and help them catch up in the series.

So no matter how mad and hurt I am, I am still a Jazz fun, so Utah Jazz, good luck! We still have faith in you.

M&M

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Being Thankful

One of my neighboring apartments house 3 guys from China in it. I was little sad this afternoon because I had nothing fun to do and was watching chick flicks on USA, then I decided to go get myself some junk food for dinner. As I was passing that apartment's kitchen window, I saw one of them cooking with only a sleeveless shirt on. It led to the thought of "I'd never cook with only my garment on", and all of a sudden it just hit me that compared to all the rest 1.3 billion people in and from China, how blessed I am to actually know the Gospel and be able to walk in the light. My whining and complaining were so ungrateful. I was filled with happiness and gratitude, and I thank the Lord for blessing me with these little tender moments in my life just to remind me what kind of attitude I should have towards things.

So, when you are feeling a little down, think of what you have in life and you'd be much better. I know every one knows this principle, but I just relearned it today.

Friday, May 18, 2007

On What's Really Research

Yesterday I had a very interesting lesson on what a real research paper should be like. The teacher was a sub, and probably the most interesting/different teacher I've ever met. He was bashing on how the "traditional" research papers most college classes require turn good writers into bad ones and how devastating they are to our brain cells, because all we are trying to do with those "research projects" is to put them in the format that satisfies what the teachers are looking for, but we never really care much about the research themselves. He believes that research should lead to more questions, instead of definite answers.

I have to admit that I totally agree with him. Fortunately, I only had to write the bad kind of paper once in my BYU years, and that was for English 115. All the other papers I had to write for my economics classes were truly research oriented. I enjoyed the processes of trying to reach a conclusion but often times getting to some points totally unexpected. Although I have to say that the writing part was never fun no matter how good the research is, but when I want to express my opinions on something, it is much easier to write than when I HAVE TO write something.

The sad thing is that the fear of this English teacher is not completely unnecessary, because some of us, college students, have been destroyed by the set frame of papers and the expectation of reaching a result that coincide with the thesis statement we have to come up before finishing the project. In the few semesters I TAed one of my favorite econ classes, which inevitably is the most difficult undergraduate econ class BYU offers, I had at least one student each semester coming to me concerned and lost because he or she did not come to the conclusion they wanted to reach. It always took me some time to convince them that it was ok, because we did not want them to predict things without exploring the truth, and if the result of the exploration contradicts the original hypothesis, it is fine. One semester I had a student who had an A going into the finals yet only received a C in the class because he failed to turn in his research project, and the reason was he did not reach any significant results in his estimation. I talked to him a few times saying it was ok to write a paper saying the conclusion is that what I thought was true was not, but apparently he did not think it was good enough. Sad!

So, anyway, I guess my point is, maybe we do need a some kind of reform to liberate the minds of the students who have been bounded by the set rules and mentality that writing a good research paper means reaching a solid result that was expected. Only when the mind is free, then can we truly enjoy the process of searching for answers, instead of being tied up with the anxiety of not failing in obtaining one.

Oh, just to show how interesting the sub teacher is, our assignment for the weekend is to buy a drink for some stranger at a gas station and write a paragraph about the experience, so I guess I am off to helping a homeless person get his beer today. :P

M&M

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Mormons in the News

So recently the media have given a lot of coverage on Mormons. I don't know whether it is just a coincidence or it's because we have Mitt Romney trying to run for office, but it's a good thing, overall, to let the rest of the world know us better. I honestly am quite sick of all the stupid questions like how many wives I have or am going to have. I can't even handle one woman right now, and I don't know why those ignorants think we Mormons have the power to deal with multiple at the same time.

I watched the documentary broadcast by PBS from a couple of weeks ago called The Mormons, and I think they did a decent job. It gave an generally objective view of an outsider on Mormonism, and of course it is from a well-informed outsider about the Church for that matter. I learned quite a bit about the Church's history myself from watching the show. For any of you who have not seen it, the link is http://www.pbs.org/mormons/view/, and I recommend you check it out. The only part that bothered me is that most of the people they interviewed who have been affiliated with the Church are former members. I think they gave an honest perspective about Mormonism, but it is an honest but somewhat biased perspective. Well, I guess I can argue my view on the matter is biased in favor of the Church, but I think at least PBS should have interviewed both sides more equally.

The biggest problem about people who are concerned about Mormons is simply that they don't know enough to make a fair judgment. I admit there are quite a few things we can improve in our culture, but the Gospel and doctrines the Church implement are the best. See, those who attack the Church often don't have the real knowledge of who we are and what we believe in. I always think it is interesting when I see those protesters outside of General Conference every year, because I don't understand how they can call us the devil while they devote their whole lives trying to tear down other people's faith. To me, it is obvious who is doing evil right there, and it's sure not us Mormons.

Anyway, it is really late at night, and I don't even know what I am saying. It's just one thought that led to another, but I guess that's the beauty of blogs. I don't have to write something that can earn me an A in an English class.

About Blogging

I gave this a shot a little while back, but I just did not have enough good stories to post, because I was drowning in a relationship with a very demanding girl and I had no life. Now since I am free (well, probably too free), plus I saw my buddy Steve's blog, I decided to give it a second shot. I don't even think there will be people reading my posts, but what the heck.