Irrational Behavior

As I finally am getting comfortable referring to myself as an economist rather than an econ major, I find it very puzzling that I do not seem to function as one. The core of economic theory is to study how people make choices, and one of the fundamental assumptions that the whole thing is built upon is that people are rational, meaning that we do not knowingly do things that would impose pain and suffering to ourselves.

However, as one of the supposedly most cold-blooded rational people called the economists, I have found myself pondering often in the past few weeks--"Why the heck did I sign myself up for this?" By this expression I mean the current agonizing classes and work I am loading upon myself. I knew the econ PhD program was going to be horrible, yet I still willingly submitted myself to such a long and painful process that could eliminate half of its participants after the first year. Such unreasonable behavior bothers me deep in my core.

Needless to say, I have made it clear that my life has been fairly demanding and intense. With only three classes this semester, it is a seemingly innocent yet deadly load. I have heard my brain cells cry in the middle of the night begging for a break, and I have fought again my eyelids to force them to keep open at 4 o'clock in the morning. I can't seem to justify all these crazy actions with a well-rounded explanation. I wonder whether I should be concerned of my mental health. However, I have heard from a friend that if something makes you "wonder", then it is "wonderful", so I presume that my life is then, wonderful!

I still remember the day in Econ 110 at BYU when professor Kearl told the class that during our college years, we needed to find that one subject we truly were passionate about. I have been convinced for a long time that economics is the love of my life, and since this is the case, I guess I do need to give econ all I have, even without understanding it. Such is wisdom I obtained from my married friends about loving their wives, though they could never understand what she was thinking, or if she was thinking.

Complaints and jokes laid aside, I really do enjoy my life. It is busy but meaningful. The sweet feeling when I comprehend something that has seemed difficult is quite desirable, and since I also have done my best to prioritize and balance my life, I am even spending time with friends instead of spending all my time with homework in the library like I did at BYU. For those of you who care about me but don't hear from me, I sincerely apologize and hope this post has updated my status in your lives.

Martin ^_^